I haven’t posted non-Japan stuff in awhile. Being this is a blog relat­ing to all per­sonal expe­ri­ences, I think it’s time to post some­thing dif­fer­ent. Here is a video I believe every­one should watch all the way through. This video expresses some of my views bet­ter than I could myself.

At around age four­teen some­thing dawned on me that the direc­tion I was being lead into was wrong. I started think­ing about the uni­verse; what it’s made up of and how it worked. I ques­tioned reli­gion, test­ing it, pok­ing holes in it. It maybe thanks to all those NOVA spe­cials I watched at 1 am when I was a younger, but I had an epiphany moment on the hum­ble con­cept of infin­ity. I remem­ber sit­ting in bed for hours work­ing it out, com­par­ing it with every­thing. The sun rose just before I had a nice sum up in my head, but I was still lack­ing words to describe it. It took me a month to break it down for oth­ers to under­stand, I was dis­ap­pointed by how I was forced to say it; “Fore every pos­i­tive there is a neg­a­tive.” I despised this. It did not encom­pass what I under­stood. Even­tu­ally over the years I refined it. Today I still do not like how it’s phrased, but this is about as sim­ple as I can make it with­out get­ting con­fused faces from peo­ple. “There can not be noth­ing with­out some­thing. Thus every­thing is, was, and ever will be. There is no change, and change.” How­ever the idea I had come to love and use in my views and expla­na­tions was still miss­ing some­thing. I real­ized I did not grasp the con­cept fully. It’s like know­ing what an apple looks, tastes, feels, smells, and sounds like, but not putting all those senses together to form the apple in your mind. We all know words can not truly describe infin­ity. The word itself restricts its own meaning.

This lack of con­cept drove me nuts for years, and even made me depressed at times. I spent much of my idling think­ing about it. In late sum­mer of 2008 I was dri­ving home from col­lege in a very good mood when I started think­ing about my infin­ity con­cept. I remem­ber pass­ing a field and look­ing up at the sky and see­ing the first stars of the night. The instant my gaze laid on those stars the real­iza­tion hits me. The thought was only a fac­tion of a moment, but it felt as if hours have passed. My mind was com­pletely clear, every­thing made sense and was chaos. I visu­al­ized, in a sense, infin­ity for what it really is. It ter­ri­fied and fas­ci­nated me. I was in a state of com­plete eupho­ria and I stayed like that for almost three days. It took me nine years to fig­ure it all out. Noth­ing has come close to chal­leng­ing it, not even the slight­est. I only wish I could feel that infin­ity again. It com­pletely change my life.

Posted from Kumamoto, Kumamoto Pre­fec­ture, Japan.